I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
