Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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