I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
