Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
where am i from again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i think i just lost a toe
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
