Got a toothbrush?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
