Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
