Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
