my phone needs a breathalizer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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