i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
