By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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