Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.