Just took my morning after pill in the library
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
