If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?