I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
