all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
my poor anus
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
