You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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