you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
