remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
