i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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