Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
