Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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