I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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