so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
