I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
