Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
