Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
