I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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