Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
