Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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