Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
