HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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