lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
