I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
