before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
