I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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