The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
