I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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