Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
