She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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