why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
