Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
