Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
