My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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