The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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