There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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