as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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