dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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