Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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