first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
