I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You were trust falling into bushes
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
