Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
