i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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