Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
