I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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