Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
