You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
