So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
