ya dads aren't the best wingmen
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
