i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
