after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
