I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
