I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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