I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So many bounce houses so little time
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
