so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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