I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
