What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
