worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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