shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
should my penis look like a turkey
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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