the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
