you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The power of my boobs compel you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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