I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
