I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
