The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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