So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
