she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
