I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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