ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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