Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
