Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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