Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
